Clearing the Air

Clearing the Air

 

 

 

 

I'm going to make this as short and sweet as I possibly can. I have written many drafts trying to address the topic. I was trying to explain the back story of why me and my husband were getting divorced and where we stand. I really shouldn't have to explain a thing to anyone. But simply because I am so tired of constantly explaining things and being judged I will, so here goes.

 

 

Neither of us were perfect in our relationship. We both brought more than our fair share of baggage. We both did things that contributed to us falling apart. I cheated on him a couple of times years ago and he never honestly got over it. He developed a violent and vengeful temper. Neither of us communicated properly in our relationship. We were both mean to each other. We both could have done more.

 

 

 

When we split up I was so angry with him. I should not have thrown all of our business out there. I was so sure I would never take him back because I was so sure he could never change. But how could I fairly deem him too broken to be fixed when I felt I was broken yet fixable? That's not fair.

 

 

 

When I moved out and he came home to an empty house with only a couple couches and the bedroom furniture and his family gone it devastated him. For me it was packing up the house to leave that devastated me. I felt a brief moment of happiness when I got my new house unpacked but I quickly felt incomplete.

 

 

 

Although both of us dated other people while apart neither one of us were happy. We were miserable being apart. Even more miserable than if we were still fighting. Its like we lost a part of our soul. Half of us was missing.

 

 

 

Shortly after him moving back to the house we decided to try and be friends. It took a matter of days before we knew we wanted to actually reconcile. We both decided to do counseling and accept Christ in hearts. This in itself was a HUGE step for him because he was never willing to go to church. That made my decision for giving him another chance. I called the lawyer the next day and asked her not to file the final papers.

 

 

 

Idk if we are going to work out this time or not. I just know that the man sitting in front of me playing Apples to Apples with our children is not the man I have known for 8 yrs. This is the man I always knew he could be. The man that was deep inside that he wouldn't let out. He is HAPPY and KIND and so LOVING. Somewhere he found patience, if you know me I'm very hard to be patient with. He is the father I always knew was in there too. So attentive and loving with the kids.

 

 

 

I have a long way to go as well. I am still leery that this is just temporary. But I have done things to test him that would have normally set his temper off like no other. He doesn't flinch. He just prays. I have to say it takes a lot to impress me and I'm impressed. He is consistent in his change. No glitches or flare up's. He said God opened his eyes and I believe him.

 

 

So many people say be cautious and he could still go back to his old ways. Well I personally think he wont and that my marriage working out is worth the risk. So many people helped me and cheered me on thru it all and I'm so grateful for that help. But in the end this is my marriage and my family. I fought so many years to make things work, so you better believe that when a genuine opportunity for happiness with the man I envisioned growing old with comes about, I'm taking it.

 

 

We are happy, and by we I mean my husband, our children and myself. That's all that matters. I have had so many people tell me that they went thru the same thing and with hard work and love it all worked out. The people closest to us that know BOTH of us have provided the biggest support in our reunion. This in itself has meant the world to us. We knew there would be critics but we had no idea we would have so many supporters.

 

 

 

I have appreciated the concern from people who just plain care but honestly I take it with a grain of salt from those who have never been married. As much as I never believed it to be true marriage is far more than just a piece of paper. Its not just a relationship. Its not just a break up. Its the union of 2 people who thought enough of each other to stand before god and say I choose them to be with for the rest of my life. It is not something you take lightly and just dispose of. People who can go thru marriage after marriage do NOT know what marriage is about. I promised God that I was going to love this man til death do us part and last time I checked we both have a pulse.

 

 

If you support my decision thank you. If not that's ok. But please until you walked in my shoes and have been thru this same situation or something very similar (not just divorce but the whole situation) I don't want your negative Nancy opinions. I sure did listen to a lot of outsiders that had no clue what they were talking about during this ordeal and it almost cost me my family.

 

 

 

I know some of you also think he is a monster and I'm a moron. But monsters can be slain. He is the only one that can fight the monster within him and right now he has God on his side and is doing a mighty fine job. I have my own monsters in me. I'm far from perfect. I'm a very hard person to live with and deal with. My dad has commended him many times over the years for being able to deal with me cause Lord knows he couldn't lol.

 

 

 

So again please stop and think before you judge us and anything else we do. Also stop and think before you judge anyone else. You don't know what they are going thru unless you can honestly say you have been there done that. I don't care how many details you know about the situation, until you live it you have no idea what its really like.